Negotiation is one of the most universally dreaded professional tasks.
As Ashleigh Shelby Rosette, PhD, James L. Vincent Professor of Leadership at the Fuqua School of Business at Duke University, says:
“Does negotiating make you anxious? Do you get nervous when it’s time to negotiate? If you could avoid it altogether, would you?”
For many, the answer is yes. But the truth is, negotiation doesn’t have to be paralyzing. When you understand the different types of negotiations and match your strategy to the context, you’re much more likely to succeed and feel good about it afterward.
Here are some research-backed lessons and practical tips that Rosette offers to the CFW community
Three Research-Backed Lessons
1. Making the first offer can be powerful if you’re prepared.
Making an informed first offer allows you to anchor the number used for the negotiation.
“You want your number to stick,” says Rosette. “You want people to adjust down from your number, as opposed to you adjusting up from their number.”
That said, many people who make the first offer often feel less satisfied afterward, not because they did worse, but because they worried about being taken advantage of.
Awareness of this “anxiety duped” phenomenon can help you recognize it for what it is, says Rosette: a feeling, not a failure.
2. Gender differences are real, but context matters.
Meta-analyses show that men often achieve better economic outcomes.
Yet studies of Shark Tank pitches and recruiter-candidate scenarios reveal that women, while less aggressive in initial offers, are more relational—and less likely to walk away empty-handed.
When women really need to succeed in a negotiation, they tend to perform better than men.
In high-stakes contexts, whether entrepreneurship or peace negotiations, this ability to reduce impasses can be a critical advantage.
3. Stereotypes shape the playing field.
Even when women negotiate as much or more than men, outcomes don’t always follow—because of the undermining influence of stereotypes.
“Women are described as being communal, as being relationship oriented, as being kind and nurturing,” says Rosette. Then, when they engage in a counter-stereotypical way, they may encounter backlash at the negotiation table.”
So, what can you do?
Five Practical Tips for Your Toolbox
- Diagnose the negotiation type first. Not all tactics work everywhere. Match your strategy to the situation.
- If it’s distributive and you’re prepared, go first. Let your number anchor the conversation.
- Don’t confuse anxiety with failure. Feeling uneasy after making the first offer is normal, and unrelated to how well you did.
- Leverage relational strengths. Especially in contexts where walking away isn’t an option, connection can outperform aggression.
- Remember the “three knows.” Know your stereotypes. Know your moderators (meaning the factors that influence the negotiation, such as your experience.) Know your mindset.
This article is based on a workshop Ashleigh Shelby Rosette, PhD, gave at the 2024 Pennsylvania Conference for Women.
Ashleigh Shelby Rosette, PhD
